Tuesday, August 12, 2014

It is well with my soul

It is the eve of another first day of school, and I'm in a weird place.

Well, not literally. I'm in the rocker by Bella's bed, and we are arguing over whether or not shadow-puppet-making is appropriate pre-sleeping activity. I'm losing. As usual.

But, gone is the excitement of seeing friends who've been missed through summer months or the exhilaration of planning outfits and daydreaming about makeup looks and hairstyles. Gone is the apprehension of an unknown teacher or a less than appealing class on my schedule. And gone is the nervous nausea of the new teacher, the gut-wrenching agony of what-ifs and to-dos that induced insomnia for at least my first three years of teaching.

That is not to say that I am not all of these things on some level. I am excited and exhilarated. I am apprehensive and nervous. A little. Like, just a tiny tad. In a strange way.

I feel good things coming for this year. I feel prepared and comfortable, positive and peaceful about the months to come.  My only real nerves and apprehension are that I'm either jinxing something or forgetting something massive, that my bliss is ignorance.

Today, as I left my classroom around 6 pm after spending days getting ready for tomorrow, I looked around my room and I saw possibility. Hope. Desks in rows straighter than I'll see again until August 2015. And all I could think was, "It is well with my soul."

I am enshrouded in this sense that my life is as it should be, that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to do.

I mean, I'm wearing a temporary tattoo for the Amity faction from Divergent.  Everything's gotta turn out great.

I'm not giving it any other option. It is well with my soul, and it will continue to be so.

~Happy back to school!